Prodigal
Father or Prodigal’s Father?
Luke 15:11–32 (NKJV)
11 Then He said: “A certain man had two sons. 12 And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. 13 And not many days after, the younger son gathered all
together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with
prodigal living. 14 But when he
had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in
want. 15 Then he went and joined
himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed
swine. 16 And he would gladly
have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
17 “But when he came
to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough
and to spare, and I perish with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say to
him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, 19 and I am no longer
worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.” ’
20 “And he arose and
came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him
and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. 21 And the son said
to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no
longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said
to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. 23 And bring the
fatted calf here and kill it, and let
us eat and be merry; 24 for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was
lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.
25 “Now his older son
was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and
dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked what
these things meant. 27 And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and
because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted
calf.’
28 “But he was angry
and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. 29 So he answered and
said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years
I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and
yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. 30 But as soon as
this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed
the fatted calf for him.’
31 “And he said to
him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. 32 It was right that
we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again,
and was lost and is found.’ ”
I have a question for you to consider regarding
this parable. It is a question from a bit of a different perspective. The
question is, if you have impregnated a woman, what kind of a father are you?
Are you a prodigal father or a prodigal’s father? Now you can be a good father
and still have a prodigal, but you can also be a father without a prodigal and
still be a prodigal father. That’s God’s grace. But if you are a prodigal
father, your chances of having a prodigal are greatly increased. What is a
prodigal father? We will see.
Fathers are important for good. Studies
show unequivocally that a child’s adjustment to and achievement in life, is
greatly influenced by a father’s involving their lives or lack thereof.[1]
Kids do better in life, they adjust and overcome obstacles in life better and
with great success, when they’ve had a father as an involved parent in their
life. Fathers, you are important! Fathers, God has a vital plan for your life.
God wants to use you to assure successive godly generations. You are critically
essential and important in the lives of your children.
Fatherly
influence or lack thereof is a factor in evil outcomes. If
you took a poll of inmates in the prisons across our country, and likely the
world, you would find the vast majority of those incarcerated grew up without fathers
or with abusive fathers. If you took a poll of those involved in immoral
activity you would most likely find that they had a poor fatherly influence or
no fatherly influence at all. You could probably find the lake of a father or
poor fatherly influence at the root of most aberrant activity. Fathers are an important
factor in determining good and evil outcomes in children. Humanity has a sinful
nature. And People are guilty for their sinful choices. But the father you have
or don’t have is a part of your outcome. There are exceptions. We are who we
are by God’s grace. The bad would be worse without God’s grace. The good wouldn’t
be good at all without God’s grace. But father’s are an important factor in the
equation of life.
With
this in mind, can you understand just how important a father is in God’s plans?
And yet, one of the greatest problems in our world today are prodigal fathers.
Our world’s problems can all be traced to our disconnect with our Heavenly
Father. But close to that is the additional problem of prodigal fathers.
I
would like to consider three questions:
·
First, what is a prodigal father?
·
Second, what is a good father?
·
Third, what can we do about the problem of
prodigal fatherhood?
What
is a Prodigal Father?
What
is a prodigal father? What makes a father prodigal? Here are some considerations
in answer to those questions.
A prodigal father is not a disciple of
Jesus. A prodigal father hasn’t been
saved from their sins. They have no personal relationship with Jesus. They
rarely read their Bible or prioritize fellowship and show little desire to do
so. They pay only lip service to God. They pay only lip service to their
wife/mother and family. They don’t walk any talk they might have about
following the Lord. They care little about the spiritual welfare of their wife
or children.
A
prodigal father may be saved from their sins; but shows little fruit of such salvation
in their life as a father. Christian fathers
can be prodigal fathers too. A Christian father can be living with wrong
priorities, wrong interpretations of scripture, a lack of reliance on the Holy
Spirit, and a generally carnal or self-serving self-reliant manner. And those
who live in such a way, are often guilty of being prodigal fathers. They may
use “ministry” as an excuse to neglect their fatherly responsibilities, but if
they do, their priorities are wrong. The Bible clearly says, “But if anyone
does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has
denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). That’s a
pretty strong inspired condemnation by Paul. So, I ask you Christian “father,”
are you a prodigal father?
A prodigal father spends his wealth on
self. A prodigal father puts themself before
everyone else. A prodigal father prioritizes his needs and wants over his
wife/mother and kids. A prodigal father squanders his families’ future. He
invests in selfish things. He plays while his family plunged into spiritual, mental,
and physical poverty.
A prodigal father leaves home. A
prodigal father is an absentee father. A prodigal father abandons his post. A
prodigal father is a traitor to his loved ones. They may still live at
home, but their activities drag them away from home. A prodigal father can
sleep at home, but because they are disengaged from their responsibilities at home,
they are in reality, prodigal.
A prodigal father is a “father” in name
only. A prodigal father is a “father” in name
only. They are responsible for biologically producing a child, but that child or
children isn’t important to them. They may deny that, but their way of living
shows it to be true. Their practices show that their wife and family are not a
priority to them. A wife and family should be seen as the most important people in a man’s life. A prodigal’s way of living
exposes only a casual uncommitted care for wife and family.
A prodigal father has no interest or sets
no value on discipling his children. A prodigal father
pays little attention an invests little though and effort into assuring the
eternal destinies of his family. A prodigal father leaves his wife, his children’s
mother, and spends little quality time with her. In so doing, he sets a
terrible example by his nonexistent lifestyle. The prodigal father’s absence
and lack of attention communicates a worthlessness and lack of care and value
to those who should be most precious to him. Therefore, a prodigal father has
little to no positive influence because he isn’t there, and worse, he just
doesn’t care.
We
should also mention, a prodigal father can be home in body, but away in his
thoughts or heart. A prodigal father can be there, but sometimes little
more than a lump on the couch. A prodigal father lazily neglects paying
attention to what goes on in his house. He has abdicated to leisure the treasures
of his home.
A prodigal father is self-centered.
He cares more for himself than others. He is so obsessed with self that he’s
not even aware of the needs of his wife and family. He is concerned with “My
dinner. My clothes. My program. My stuff. . .” A prodigal father’s world revolves
around himself to neglect of others. A prodigal father lives the opposite of “love
thy neighbor.”
A prodigal father is unteachable. A
prodigal father doesn’t listen to advice or correction. In fact, they purposely
“don’t want to hear it,” when someone tries to inform and impress on them the
dangers of their prodigal living. They presume they are a “good father” by
virtue of simply being a father, or “being there.” They have a bloated opinion of themselves as a
father.
A prodigal father will experience regrets.
When the marriage divorces, the children stray, and the family dissolves, they
will eventually feel regret, especially as they get older. So self-centered are
prodigal fathers that when the downfall comes, they will fail to see it as a
consequence of their prodigal living and instead blame someone else for their
downfall.
What
is a “Good Father” the Prodigal’s Father?
What is a good father, a father like the
father of the prodigal? When we look at the parable of the
prodigal son, and focus in on the father of the prodigal, we see the following
characteristics of this good father.
The father of the prodigal was
approachable and reasonable (Luke 15:11-12). The
prodigal son felt comfortable going to his father to make a request. And the
father was reasonable in that he agreed to hear and then comply with the son’s
request.
Was
this wise on the father’s part? At first, we might think it wasn’t. It didn’t
seem reasonable to allow his son to take and then waste his inheritance. It was
a lot of money no doubt. But the humble lesson learned was priceless. We can
speculate on the father’s behalf that he knew his son, and the hard knocks of
life well enough to know what was going to happen. And that life lesson was
worth the risk and investment. The father’s decision proved correct when his
prodigal boy returned “a new man.” A good father is willing to risk material
things to teach an eternal life lesson.
The father of the prodigal had taught his
son independence (Luke 15:13). The father
had taught his son in a way that made him independent and strong enough to make
such a decision. The prodigal’s motivation was wrong, but that he would
consider such a move of independence showed the father had built up his confidence.
Confidence and independence are essentials to succeeding in life.
The father of the prodigal had taught his
son industry (Luke 15:14-16). When the son
squandered all his wealth, he knew from his upbringing that he must go to work.
Now, he wasn’t able to find a very good job, but this was part of the life
lesson. The prodigal had left before his father’s work was done with him. And
that too was a lesson. Teaching a willingness and spirit of industry to labor
and work is another essential for a productive life.
The father of the prodigal had taught his
son to face facts and realities (Luke 15:17). The son had
been raised in a way so that he was not unduly stubborn. Life taught him the
reality of his foolish behavior, but his father had apparently taught him to
face the facts of those realities like a man, with humbled integrity.
The father of the prodigal had taught the
prodigal to be humbly teachable (Luke 15:18-19).
When the reality of the consequences of his foolish prodigal living set in, the
prodigal had enough learned character to admit his wrong and begin to learn his
life lesson. He was teachable, even if he had to learn the hard way. His father
had taught him this. Life confirmed it.
The father of the prodigal had taught the
prodigal about sin (Luke 15:18 and 21). The prodigal knew
what sin was and that he had committed it. The father had taught him about
spiritual things. The prodigal disregarded what he had been taught at first,
but when his foolish behavior played out, he knew to call what he did sin. This
conscience and awareness of sin is part of the prodigal’s upbringing. This was
the fruit of the father’s parenting and prayers.
The father of the prodigal had the kind of
a relationship with the prodigal that allowed the prodigal to return home, even
after such foolish prodigal living (Luke 15:18-20). There
were no clothes doors or burned bridges on the father’s side. The son knew he
could return home if he failed. This gave him confidence to make decisions,
even wrong ones, that he would learn from. The father of the prodigal had a
good relationship with the prodigal, even when the prodigal acted
foolishly.
There was no “I told you so” from the
father of the prodigal but a welcoming back loving embrace (Luke 15:20b). There
was no “I told you so,” from the father when the prodigal returned. There
didn’t need to be. The groundwork for the prodigal’s life lesson had been laid
by the father years earlier. Now they were bearing fruit. The father didn’t
have to drive his point home with a sledgehammer, life had done that (the Lord
had done that). The father’s finishing touch was a loving embrace and a welcome
home to the prodigal.
The
father of the prodigal was quick to reconcile with the prodigal (Luke
15:22-24). The father did not reconcile with his son prematurely. He waited for
the son to learn his life lesson. And when he had been humbled and had repented
(because that is what we see in the prodigal), the father quickly welcomed
reconciliation with his son. He didn’t torture the returning son with a
lecture. He welcomed him back with a celebration and reinstated him as one who
had been lost, but now was found.
The father of the prodigal was humble
enough to plead with his other angry son to see the blessing of what had
happened in the life of the prodigal (Luke 15:25-28). The
word “pleaded” (Greek parakaleo)
means to beseech, to call near, invite. The father didn’t neglect the good son,
he went to him and explained the benefit of what had happened. Interestingly,
this word is also used to describe prayer.
The father of the prodigal listened to his
good son’s complaint and gave a reasonable and wise response (Luke
15:29-32). The father was open to conversation. He
heard the good don out, and then reminded him that all the father had was
always at his disposal. The father reminded the good son of the blessings he
had. The father subtly taught the good son he shouldn’t be angry or jealous,
but ratter, thankful.
In
all of this we see the father of the father of the prodigal teaching grace and
love and faithfulness and reconciliation, and discipline, and character
building and a host of other qualities. But the greatest lesson we learn is how we are
prodigals and God is the ultimate Father of prodigals.
This is what Jesus is teaching here, and he uses a father figure to teach
it. Fathers, your
greatest lesson to learn, and to teach, is that we are prodigals and GOD is the
Father who will graciously welcome us back when we repent.
We
might add to these good characteristics the following:
A good father is a disciple; he loves the Lord. A
father, to be all a father should be, should first be a disciple of Jesus Christ,
a learner and follower of Jesus. And a disciple, by definition, reproduces
other disciples. A good father is a good husband who is attentive to and tends
to his wife’s spiritual needs. A good father sees his place as making disciples
of his children. A father is someone who has not only produced a child
biologically or by adoption, but who also takes an active role in discipline
and nurturing their child or children. A good father is a good teacher. They
pass wisdom and what is right on to their children. They take the time to learn
how to best communicate with each of their children according to each child’s
individual needs.
This would include on a secondary level,
the father taking the initiative to involve his children in extracurricular activities
that will enrich and build them up. But such activities should never take
priority over the spiritual needs of the children. Temporal activities should
never supplant eternally rewarding activities.
A good father loves his children’s mother. Probably
the most important means if being a good father, is loving, cherishing, caring
for, comforting and communicating with his children’s mother. Children need to
see a father live their mother. They need the security of their parent’s
relationship. They need to see the proper manner and respect between parents
for each other. They need to see love between their mom and dad so that they
will know what marriage and parenting and family is when it comes to time for
them to take those steps.
A good father is a good time
manager. A father, a good father who will be
effective and fruitful in their parenting, is a father who spends time with their
children. His children are a priority for him and the way he spends his time
proves this. A good father also plans for his family’s future and does not
squander it. A good father will get up early before his children rise in
order to get work done, or work late after children are asleep, just to make
time to spend with them.
A good father provides for the needs of
his family. That means the physical needs of his
wife/mother and his children, but not only the physical needs of the family.
There are spiritual, emotional and relationship building needs he needs to
provide also. To be a good provider means all of these needs are met, not one
or two to the exclusion of the others.
A good father sacrifices self. A
good father sacrifices his needs for the sake of meeting the mothers and the
children’s needs. A good father lives close to the cross of Christ. He loves
his wife as Christ loves the church.
A good father needs help. The
Bible says, “Baer one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ”
(Galatians 6:2). We need to help the fathers around us. We need to pray for
them, encourage them, assist them, counsel them, help them.
They need the help provided by God’s grace
and the power of the Holy Spirit. They need the help that come from the
instructions found in God’s word. He needs help from other fathers and
brothers. He needs the support of fellowship. He needs the help of his wife,
the mother of his children.
A good father has few if any regrets and
is satisfied with the outcome of his family and life.
What
Can We Do About the Problem of Prodigal Fatherhood?
How
can, how should we deal with the problems of prodigal fathers? Here are a few
possible solutions.
Prodigal
fathers need to repent. To repent is to confess one’s
sins to God and to forsake them as something you never want to repeat.,
Prodigal fathers should be received back
and restored if they do repent. Don’t be like the
mean harsh jealous brother in the parable of the prodigal. Heaven rejoices over
a repentant sinner. How much more a repentant prodigal father?! God the Father
joyfully welcomes the repentant prodigal father. The Lord can restore the years
the locust has eaten (Joel 2:25).
Remember, you can be a good father and
still have a prodigal. The father in Jesus’ parable
is a type of God the Father. If God the perfect Father can have a prodigal, so
can we. We can be the best father possible, and because each person must
themselves decide to accept or reject Christ, it is possible that prodigals can
come from even the best of fathers and home. Having a prodigal is not always
the father’s fault.
Make an effort to help fathers, especially
prodigal fathers and/or be a father to the fatherless. Look
around you. Look for kids without fathers. Look for fathers who need help. Look
for these things and pray God opens a door for you to support and help in this
way.
No excuses: growing up without a father is
no excuse for being a prodigal father. Everyone can
have a father, a Heavenly Father. If you try to blame your prodigality on an
absent or prodigal father, you are still without excuse. We all have an
opportunity to turn to our Heavenly Father. We all have the example of our
Heavenly Father to follow. Our Heavenly Father offers to help us not be a
prodigal or prodigal father. All
we have to do is turn to Him in Christ.
So,
whether you are a prodigal or a prodigal father, turn to your Heavenly Father
through faith in Christ. Seek the Lord. You good fathers and others, seek the
Lord to stay the course, but also that the Lord might use you to bolster or
help a prodigal or prodigal father to overcome their prodigality. God is the
best Father. Remember God’s call to all of us: “Therefore be imitators of God
as dear children” (Ephesians 5:1). Come home to Him.
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